Tuesday, August 23, 2011

confessions of a shopping JUNKIE

Yes, you read correctly JUNKIE... I've surpassed shopaholic and laughed in the face of addict. Hello, my name is Elisha and I'm a shopping junkie. (In my mind you all went "Hello Elisha").

There really isnt a cure for this problem and I think I'm so strung out that I'm glad there isnt. What does exist is REHAB! (R.I.P Amy Whinehouse) What is a shopping junkie's rehab you ask? Good question. Rehab would be putting me in a place where I dont have immediate access to product, funds, or English speaking dealers. Hello! I'm in rehab! Germany!

I moved to Germany while I was pregnant with twins. Before gaining 60lbs of fluid, blood, and babies, I was wearing a size 8 dress and 10 jeans. OMG! I was in heaven. Do you know how easy it is to find those sizes in a store??! You're talking to a bonafide fat ass right here. I know exactly how easy it is because when I wore a 16 all I could find were 8s & 10s. My theory was skinny girls didnt have time to shop because the were too busy off somewhere getting skinnier and fat girls were shopping to avoid those places.

I dont just like to shop for clothes and shoes (size 12 shoe and that's another conversation), but also makeup, food, hair products, presents, vacation packages, ANYTHING! I really feel like a junkie. I get a surreal high when I'm bargaining and finding great deals. I love the thrill and I also continue my high after I get home and start going through my bags and reliving the moments. Right now I feel my body detoxing. Sometimes my husband will find me curled in the fetal position clutching an old pair of jeans and rocking back and forth. When this happens he just slowly removes the jeans from my grip and starts chanting calming phrases like "buy one get one free" or "double coupons" and the one that never fails to bring me back "clearance items additional 75% off" lol.

So here I am all the way in Germany without a job and without my size 8/10 body. Who the hell wants to shoplift plus sizes? NOT ME! My alternative to this situation is to lose this gut, get a job, and learn some German. So until then, whenever you go shopping think of me and take a picture of your goodies or at least mail me the tags :)

1 comment:

  1. HAHAHAHA! that's hilarious. how long have you lived in germany.....? and you don't speak a lick of german. just sad.I shopped for you today....i'll send you the walmart bags! you have plenty of time to lose that baby weight. besides you had twins....TWINS. do you know what I would do if I had twins.... lets just say the ONE I kept, would always have unanswered questions!


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